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[February 15, 2009] |
So I have this blank box up and I'm meant to be writing why I should go to Emily Carr art school in Vancouver on exchange next year, and I'm just blabbering about mountains and sea and not really having a good enough reason. I may as well try though, and I'm very happy staying here if I don't get in. So, the last few months have been very much a complete whirlwind. I love living in Glasgow, I love the art school, I love the snowy mountains I saw from my kitchen making tea this morning, I love watching harriet the spy and drinking whisky gingers/ copious amounts of chai with steph and cat, I love lots. There's also lots I don't like about university life, but I'm good at cutting myself off from that. I think what I'm struggling most with is this feeling that I'm completely not good enough to be here. I walk round the studios and just want to cry. I feel like I work and work here, and yet I never have as much as everyone else, it's never as focussed or 'post-modern'. I hate 'post-modern'. I hate being told to look at 'contemporary', 'political' 'issues'. I know I shouldn't, and I know it's really a good thing that I'm finding it so challenging... and I can see it changing my work for the better... but why does everything have to be cutting-edge and radical and politicised? Why is nothing allowed to be beautiful? I feel like going somewhere exciting. I want to go back to the isle of arran and get stranded again, I want to go up to mull and iona and just catch a train somewhere and camp. Instead I think I'll make another cuppa chai and curl back in bed with my book about wolves.
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[June 07, 2008] |
you've been waiting for the wind to change direction, waiting for the sun to shine, you've been waiting for a new connection, but you're walking on the same old line, you've been waiting so long how can you wait a single minute more? you've been waiting so long you just don't know what you are waiting for
you've been looking to what's just around the corner, living for another day, you've been looking to the distant skyline, looking like you lost your way, you've been looking so hard for something, your eyes are getting sore, you've been looking so hard you just don't know what you are looking for
I've had lots of good luck recently; I passed my driving test, we got a dog, I got the imperial war museum job and got into glasgow school of art. this year's been so good for me, but I know I need a huge change and I still haven't got my head round the fact that I got into glasgow, that I'll be living in scotland in just a few months time. whenever I think about it I get so excited and terrified and aaheiiagh. I know I'm going to find it very, very hard because I'm such a homebody and glasgow is so very far and oh how will I live with no dog or cats? but there's mountains and paint and scottish accents and those beautiful studios; it's exactly where I want to be, doing what I want. I can't complain at all. I'm looking forward to the next two weeks, exhibition building and our final show. but then camberwell is over and there's a long summer of waiting and nerves and excitement ahead.
this is probably the end of livejournal for me. goodbye thinkingpattern.
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[August 19, 2007] |
sziget festival, hungary
sziget was better than we could have hoped for. It was the absolute most perfect festival. I miss the ambient tent, where you take your shoes off and lie in a tent covered in sarongs and beanbags and rugs and cushions and drink chai tea and sleep; the jazz tent, the night with the benny goodman band and when it rained and it felt like world war two; the roma gipsy tent; playing with clay in the pottery tent; shisha and sangria and henna at the afro-latin village; lying by the danube, sun setting on the last night; getting the boat to budapest and exploring, walking over the chain bridge and buda with its pretty streets and churches and galleries and pest with its huge long roads and seeing the mummified hand of st stephen which lit up if you put a coin in the box! and going up the tower and heroes square and the market and the immersing yourself in hot water and being spurted water at by gargoyles in the turkish baths; the open air theatre and dance stage; the lanterns strung in the trees that lit the paths; the travelling funfair with its mad fish in a box and giant skeletons; the supermarket and revelling in air conditioning and unbelievably cheap everything; map-reading and guide-reading; playing cards in the ambient garden; the last night and going on that bungee thing at 4am that catapulted you so high you could see the danube and budapest all lit up and the whole island beneath you and you felt you were flying the in the stars; the sun and the rain, the dust and the mud; the metro and trains in budapest, how the whole city is red and yellow and green; everyone being from all over the world, there being hardly any english around; etccc.
results were also better than I could have hope for, everyone got what they deserved, and now everything's about to change.
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